How do you deal with emotions? Are they allowed to be there, or do you prefer to push them away?
And when you say, “Of course my emotions are allowed to be there,” do you actually take the time to feel them?
No room for emotions in everyday life
In our society, for example at work or in the supermarket, there is usually no room to really allow them. You are forced to put them away; you man up and carry on. Many of those situations occur every day, sometimes without us realizing how often it actually happens.
Effect of unfinished emotions
You didn’t get rid of that emotion, however. Because you couldn’t express it, it remains stuck, somewhere in your body. In the evening, due to the busyness of the day, you don’t really remember why, but you feel irritated, down or dead tired and you put on your favourite series. The next day you still don’t feel your best, but you put it aside and start your new day in good spirits.
Fear of emotions
All those unfinished emotions pile up unnoticed until you explode or suddenly burst into tears for the slightest reason, full of shame for suddenly having such an emotional outburst. And then I don’t even mention the emotions we hide away because we are ashamed of them, emotions we don’t allow ourselves to feel. Sometimes we are simply afraid of our emotions, especially anger and fear are emotions we would rather not feel, and which we fear. Panic can be seen as fear of fear.
What are emotions?
What exactly are emotions? An emotion is really nothing more than a chemical reaction, a wave of feelings racing through your body. If you just let them run their course, most emotions last about 90-120 seconds. You can prolong them, though, by trying to hold them back, or hold them in, feeding them with a story. Then they stick around longer.
How allowing emotions changes your life
Suppose you could learn to just let those emotions race through you? How might that change your life?
For me, this was a big step towards liberation from patterns that I struggled with for a long time. And honestly, I am still learning daily, but I have come to see emotions as my allies.
Emotions as allies
Emotions are essentially that, no more, no less: signposts that warn me when something is not right and it is time for a different path, when I would rather keep everything as it is. Allies who spur me into action, give me the courage to face confrontations, to make my own choices. If I have first allowed myself to feel that emotion in a safe environment, I can then freely decide how to take action on it.
Managing emotions is feeling emotions
Similarly, I have learnt that I am not my emotions. Yes, I do have emotions, but if I listen to them and let them be, they no longer control me, but I control them, then I am ultimately in charge. So controlling your emotions has everything to do with feeling them first!
Feeling emotions in practice
But how do you do that in practice? During a meeting, you can’t just walk away. What helps then is to promise your emotions that you will take time to listen to them later, and then actually do so.
In my practice The Freedom Explorer, I also help you learn to feel your emotions.
Feel free to make an appointment for a free, no-obligation discovery session!